Character Building

“Of all the properties which belong to honorable men, not one is so highly prized as that of character.”

~ Henry Clay

One of the lines my mother often used, when we were asked to do something we didn't want to do, was, "It's character building." 

For example, when a girl in my class was being bullied by the popular (and even not so popular) kids, my mother instructed me to invite the girl over for lunch.   I was horrified.. I didn't want her misfortune to spill on to me - guilt by association, so to speak. 

But my mother was insistent.   It was character building.

The byproduct, of course, was empathy and compassion.   The situation taught me to how to "walk in another man's shoes."

To my mother, having character was not only important, but non-negotiable... you either did the right thing or you didn't.   For her, there was no ambiguity or situational ethics.   Her other oft used line, "I don't care what ____'s mother lets her daughter do.  I only care about what you do."

The following is an often-told family story, which illustrates this. 

In our village, the Boy Scouts would have an annual Scout-a-rama event for all the troops in the neighboring towns.   I don't particularly remember what it was about -- just something put on at the local high school. 

As a member of the local troop, my brother, Rob, was given a bunch of tickets to pass out to neighbors and friends.   So Rob and "his buddy"  went around to neighbors' houses and began selling the tickets.

When Rob got home he had a lot of money.   My mother was curious.   "Where did you get all that money?"

When he explained that he and Buddy had sold the tickets, my mother was aghast.  The tickets were free.   She called Buddy's parents and spoke to his father (ironically, a lawyer), and explained the situation.   His only comment was, "Well that was rather enterprising of them."

Mother was horrified and was going to take matters into own hands.   She walked with Rob through the neighborhood and returned to every house where he had sold tickets.   She insisted he go to the door, return the money and apologize for his actions.

For what it's worth, my brother grew up to be a confident, strong man as well as a highly successful heart surgeon.  Buddy grew up with a bit of a chip on his shoulder and never really achieved great heights in his career choices. 

* * *
It's a story that has stayed with me. 

Character matters.  So does empathy... So does humility and the ability to apologize and admit that you made a mistake.

In these days when people are suffering emotionally, physically and financially, I'm looking for character, empathy and humility in our president.  Sadly, I'm not finding it.