Sometimes you just need a hug

"A hug a day keeps the demons at bay."

~German Proverb

Today would have been my dad’s 96th birthday. 

Dad was both the smartest and wisest person I have ever known in my life.   He had a keen mind with amazing intellectual capacity and an unmatched patience, that you rarely find in one person.  Whenever there was a situation or problem, he would just listen patiently and then help you work through the issue.  He rarely gave you the answer … he would just ask you the right questions.  Even during the last days of his life, he was leading by example – never telling us what to do, but showing us the way forward.

It’s strange, although we celebrated his 90th birthday (four months before he passed away), to me he was still Daddy: Daddy, the man, that the little girl looked to for empathic comfort or advice.  Even though he was frail and needed my help to do simple things,  I needed him just as much - maybe more.  He always had that compassionate way about him that made you feel safe and protected.

Dad had so many talents.   By training he was a doctor and man of science.  But he loved history and read prolifically.   He had tremendous musical talent -- could play the piano, clarinet and piccolo and he would sing his heart out with his gorgeous baritone pitch.   People would turn around in church to see, who was singing when they heard his voice. And Dad was so curious - always learning something new.

But perhaps Dad's greatest talent was his calm and comforting demeanor.    I can understand why his patients loved him so much -- he just had this quiet and humble strength about him.   While Mother was the one you went to for instruction, courage and fortitude, I always went to Dad when I needed a hug or just someone to listen. 

Here's a silly story – but one that really highlights my dad…

* * * *

When I was in high school, like most teenage girls I was worried about superficial things: clothes, hair, makeup – all those things that mean so little in these days of social distancing!  But to a teenage girl … well, you know.

One time I went to the beauty salon for a haircut.   I had a very specific idea about what I was wanting with the cut.  I thought I was clear with the stylist, but the cut was wrong and I was immensely (as well as emotionally) disappointed.

I came home and burst into tears – sobbing about how horrible my hair looked – what a disaster the haircut was, etc.  What can I say?   I was a teenage girl.

Dad stood there somewhat stunned.  While he tried to tell me that my hair looked fine, I was in tears trying to explain to him what was wrong. 

Dad being Dad, he realized that no words would work.   So he just came forward, put his arms around me and let me cry on his warm and wide chest for a while.  He didn’t say anything.  He just understood, that I was upset and that it was OK for me to be upset.  No judgement -- just comforting.  That was Dad.

* * * *
In these days of the Covid19 pandemic, I miss him more than ever.   There are so many times that I just want to cry and envelop myself in his wide chest and warm arms.

Sometimes you just need a hug.